I thought i really succeed, i thought i had long moved on. 1 and the half years gone the drain. I don't want to feel like this. I never thought i will, i am pretty tired of feeling in such a manner. You can really suck my life away. How i wished i have never met you. How i wished we never cross path ever.....  

You told me you miss me, you tell me you still keep my things...... and that is it. You expect me to sallow it down after one and the half year and that was it. You don't tell me such things when you dont even have the intention of anything. Just what do you want from me? Why can't we just stop this mind games. Why can't we stop being friends? 

Never mind i will find someone like you 

i wish nothing but the best for you 

Dont forget me, i beg. 

I remember you say

Sometimes it hurts instead. 

it sad that im trying so hard not to talk to you. im not trying to scum to this fml .

its been forever since i posted anything up here (:
I won delete this blog but this wouldbe my last post
since i activate this blog withme in my first year in smss i woud give it closure
itwaas fun while it last but im ready to move on i want to get out of smss and move on
meet new people and it is my time to shine
well november is here all again i hate fucking hate november
cos i will alwalys be reminded by you .
it took me years to realized you gave up on us .
i might hve turn you away but i didnt give up on us .
i didnt walk away i was there all the time, you chose to just leave and come back wheneverrrrrr
i still miss you alot and i am really trying !
happy birthday

its gonna hurt me more then it hurt you , cliche as it sound . i dont know what to do anymore, i think it would be normal for my hear to race and my stomach to be feeling sick when i wait for your text , it kill me, when i was in the bus . You said that only when i need your help ? mean that i only come to you WHY cant you come to me ? why must i make the first step ? why must i be that open to you why must you "be" the better person . Its confusing me i keep telling people that i am over you but i'm not never were but i will be over you soon! one day . I guess i kept you too long already .and i got to move on with this .So help me , tell me what i am suppose to do with you ?

the other day , i was in bed i was thinking to myself .
Am i crazy to feel like this or what .
I found answers , how stupid can i be .
What i been looking for is what we had 3 years ago .
and i dont think i can have it back , i thought i would feel the same when we text/on the phone/msn , like i would get butterfly in my stomach and wake up thinking of you first or some sort of epic feeling this time i did not feel anything . More normal , like i have/force to talk to you kind . True i would not want to be friends with you , but being friends with you will be weird , cos your not like most of my friends . Your nothing like that or someone that i would like call friend .
Yes i will be free 12 years later , but i guess i cant be that mean . But part of me tell me to forget about it cos you really have nothing to offer me . Excpet fights and me feeling sorry for myself .
Maybe i am writing this down without knowing that i am still not over you , but trust me now the feeling with you is much much more mutual , something which i never expected . But i guess it true , i got to get over my past . Not you not me and not us .I just need to stop holing on to my past .

I really hope that no one discover this blog , Hhahahaha.
i am not a emo person , its just one of those moment ,
i am trying so hard to win you back or at least hold on to it .
but i guess i 'm holding on to things which is long gone .
I cause my own misery , should not have re added you back .
"Gone without a trace " I love to do that and never come back
I told myself i needed time to move on, but i guess i use too much time already .
Its now or never .

Its been a long time since i touch this space ,
i dont plan to delete it tho .
well its been 2 years i presume , i hope your doing fine ...

Let me seee,its been okay.
Havent really touch this blog for a while.
Let me start with school it been alright,
friday was the best,cos school ended before it begin?
Hhaha,water pipe burst so they close down school?
after a freaking week?lesson have been the same,
i just a bed in class (: and food?
gym is alright,been reverse bungee and such.
Hhaha,gosh let me wait till nat send me FULL picture
then i will blog with picture,oh and i got back my phone
after 1 week?Hhhah dad is the best i tell you
just give him the freaking hell cold shoulder.

Tell me it will burst again!

School was fun today,but i somehow i feel that i bring
myself a whole load of bad luck,every year this must happened to me.
Okay i wont feel emo,Hhaha.
Okay let me move back to happy mood,class was funny today,
When ever my Ms Ng comes in she must tells us smting about
the working world&boys&School&Money and she nvr fail to
talk like a bullet train,but today i felt stupid and really blur
It wont be funny if you aint in class,Hhaha,So had dance and i was
scared to ask him if i could go to the toilet during practice,Hhaha.
I am feeling tired already,i have like tons of thing to do,
Sighhhh,i want to sleep already.

Quote"Boys are stupid when they are young"

okay i am back to blogger,
i decide to leave my Livejournal,maybe delete it off.
My skin look kind of dull,i am so lazy to get all the codes,
maybe if i have time,so i will start posting back here.
Maybe i will shift once in a while.
But i havent been blogging for ages already la.
Hhaha.Maybe now the time (:

Havent been blogging here or at lj for a long time.
Hhahah,school was booorringg with the OandRandG
I cannot stand people talking for a long time
i feel like dozing off,i did it durning class.
Hhaha,But Mr ng is so far the funniest teacher,
He himself wont get heart attacked we too can get one,
if he caught us talking.This is so weird,to go back to school.
I saw clarice in school just now i just knew she was in st marg
and i saw her twice withen the day i knew she was in st marg.
Hhaha,i hope she have fun in school.Hhaha,all of sudden she is
like a small innocent like kid.The indian teacher i have is also funny.

okie
lets do all the relink
i will sure miss this blog
but i am ready for a change
http://maheraaa.livejournal.com/

LOVES!

okie havent been update
going to change my blog to livejournal
but i am so lazy to do it lar
so been alright with exams and stuff
but everything is over already and after last paper went to kl with unlces and anuty
and stuff so blah blah shop shop shop cos i had lke people asking me take whatever i want in shops lar so i got a nike shirt and some other adidas stuff too.hahah i love shopping till i drop okie i dont want to say anymore la lazy
so today there is camp and hell i was bored :D


i guess today i realise how much i dont miss you lke
i mean the feeling is gone already
after so much shit that i went throught by myself
you were never even once with me
dont you dare have the cheek to say that you went throught alot with me
i was always there for you i this clear to you that i will always be here for you
and i would be your ears
but when i felt that the feeling is mutual already is lke you came back into my life
telling me that i dont want you anymore which is so not true
you were in your own world and there i am still hoping that you will at least say somthing
den when i leave frm the world which is waiting for you came back.
i guess i was nvr open for someone
i think i yet know the meaning of being serious yet alone love
i guess now wat i really one is to be myself and just happy with my greatest friend surrounding around me.
this is lke a really goodbye note to you but in a way that i am really having zero feeling for anything cos it just dont feel right

today was a bad start i felt so cold when i reach school
den in class gastric attacted the weird thing is that it went off and on
and it hurt so much this time
okie my fault that this happend
i yet have a proper meal for a few days already
so it hurt den i dont know mrs koh was nice to me :/
den vomited out my stomach acid
slowely got better and mrs khoo had to bring the bio thing a stomach for maths class
wth she made me look at it hahha
den class did nnthing at all hahhaa

i dunnoe wat's the problem with me
i just feel so crazy stupid retarded and numb
it's like everything for me gone haywire
it took a new turn
i am in a state that i dont even know wat is the hell am i doing
i just lost everthing that i studied and there is like a blank in my brain
it just went off i dont know

i dont know wat the hell i am doing right now

i cant even think lar

i mean everthing is lke moving too fast

and i dont have time to recap it and make it move slow

it happend in a blink and i hope wat i am doing is right

i mean i dont know if the feeling is still there

it made me realise somthing i dunnoe

i am lke going crazy to know wat i want to know wat i just wont get it

i dunnoe i cant even do maths question in my brain!

somtime i wish i can just drown this thing and live happily ever after

i guess i want to sleep darn it is making me drain out lar

its lke u see this is not like i dont love you is lke you dont even care.

i dunnoe this ruin everthing .

i feel all cold inside

i feel so numb

i just want to tear

okie i guess working is just not for me

i mean i wont do it till i am really ready and i need the cash

hahaha but i doubt i will have to do it lar

so the last day of work was alright :D

hehes i think i place all the blame to me cos i was lofting aroung den working

i alwalys walk to the last the last hall and den walk back again and i would just hang at the new place upstairts :D which is cool cos i saw like a whloe building of things lar!

i like it :D the whloe views and stuff den end of the day my fifty buck gone missing.

i felt nnthing

so school was alright

i dint even study anything in my brain lar i mean everthing was just blank i dun know why lar

i was singing and singing mad songs in my brain

den i left to meet sahail hahaha

sahail=bitch number 2 :D

hahaha saw a couple of people and i was shock to hear somthing

it was fun but it wasent cos i had an empty brain

blah blah blah

just go home from work :D heheh for a few days cos my aunty has her work and i am her PA :D

so on sat was lke boring crap i wanted to die lar.my foot have a diffrent shape after i remove the heels.i thought yest time was slowwww

okie den today was not bad as i dint wear heels i wore shoes it dint hurt but it make me hard to walk due to the sides and i meet a lot of intersting people too :D who is older then me they talk to me cos they think i look nice and spatic really spatic?wtf right laar

they are nice and make me think that it is alright to be wat i am now i mean talking to them is like talking to someone i know for lke a few years already like laily i could speak to her about the moon and we connect and make me realise wat the use of beeing in love, i mean if you are in love but you dont tell the person for wat right ?

so in short everyone i meet smoke and is a workholic and they think it it perfectly fine :D

hahahah

and my cat gave birth to 3 small kitten the size is small then the ruleer lar :D

anyway if you think if having a pet cat can give me call:D

i will post their pic when i have the time

In the end, i'm still by myself /

i hate the fact that everything is not going my way

fcuk that maths test

fcuk that long mly homework lar

and mid year in 4 more days and i am watching prince turing into a frog lar

i dunnoe wat is my problem

i think my hair is like so fcuk and i am telling myself it will grow but part of me like it

argh i dont care lar i need to study frm tmr even if it take me the whloe day

i think there is a bluebalck at my rib cage there as it is hell pain as i was touching it just now

okie now the 25th espisod then i will stop :D

cut my hair.
this time by a really cute hairdresser :D
but his skill was lke not that good
nvm hair will grow
nafa was horrible cos it suck lke shit
cos pull up i only did lke 9 and shit and reach my worst and the standing broad jump i fell flat n the mat and it hurt lke shit.nvm i will go take the retest i wonder if i wan to do my 2.4 i wan to get like a 15 or somthing like that :D
den after school went towing i wasted like 4 hours.
saw them smoke meet up with dora then jasmin
walk around there
den helo jasmin find clothes and i dint know wat she like as i nvr shop with a really lian before
she dont wear tshirt she wear clothes frm blossom?
hurs but it was alright tho.den head home den call had a hair cut :/

school was crazy cos the class room block was only

open around 6.40 there and the main office was close.

den assembly mrs tan talk to us and it motivate me on how much i love this school

and my unifrom and i dont want to change the uniform.

lesson was okie and it was boring lke hell

and i was having flu throught out the whloe day

mly paper was hell diffuclt lar fucking crazy!

den after school headed to kap and there meet up with bridget ama abigail and some other random people.cant study there cos we are not allow to study so tdy wasted doing nnthing.

so watied for chyna there and den head to cold storage and went around

den head home.

oh the stupid killer in america is so ETEWtfe i feel lke killing him

i mean why cant he kill himself first den he would save lke 32 others life lar

and i know one life cant brought up with money and those whom he kill is

people who is going to be a somebody or already sombody already.

and i am luck to find that sinagpore school is at least save.

and how someone virginity cannot just be brought like that i mean it is pricelesss

and how a girl lose hers at 9 and i think she dont even know it.

wat a world we live in human became monster :(

the world is really back

school was alright
den class was alright except for last period maths lar
since mrs khoo is our form tutor she was upset about us getting a D twice already
and then CWO with the teachers the next time we get D.
den i think i said too much lke not my job to pick the litter and stuff she made me tape my mouth lar so i had a tape in my mouth which was my first time i had it hahhah


after school went to woodland lib with chloe and nad
after a long time i went out with that friend of mine
ahem she busy wat with someone! hahaha
den studied and had dinner theere
told her about the plan about wat me and chloe decide to do during holis

after that meet mom and bro at causeway point
bro got a new phone :( which is sleek and nice lar
den had dad dinner again his birthday today and i dint know it lar
but i was lke need to eat and my stomach was lke going to burst
tmr i wont eat anymore


wat was yest all about?
it was so personal
hey hey you you
i really dont like your girlfriendfriend

school was alright
class won debate :D
maybe speaking infront of people for somthing real is nerve racking.
but it was alright for an unprepare one :)
english was a free period so did mly hw
show and tell for mly
i dunno how to pronounce some words?
but my teddy was the highlight of the day

my one last love
♥♥♥

hahha
omg suddendly i dunnoe how much i miss internet hahaha
but i wont be online alot of time due to exams comming
so hahah yeah i'll blog about the mrs koh that time

last two week was lke a bloody bad week lar
i thought you went out of my mind
i thought i was so over you
when i saw you with your new girl
i must say i was jealous
my heart pounded lke it wanted to went out
my mind was blank den i realise that
you were alwalys in my heart
maybe i still love


so i was just at my row standing playing around with the sky during devotion
so den she stands beside me lar say i need cut my hair okie i just go in the toilet when its my turn to cut my hair

my leg was moving non stop,i was even crying lar i dunnoe why den the hairdresser snip off my hair ! god dam i was so angry she ask me to stop moving but i continue moving
den she ask hairdresser to cut it shorter i was lke fuck arhs so i went out and lke stomp out lar
den she ask me wait outside for her so i waited
she ask me
mrs koh:you still have the cheek to storm out?
i keep quiet lar
mrs koh she say about me humiliting her as i still my leg when she cut my hair so i was lke
wat the hell lar so you dint humilited me when you cut my hair infront of them ?
mrs koh:you are in the wrong yet you are shouting at me ?
me: the school cut my hair lke a few weeks lar den they want to cut it agian?
i shouteed at her
den we went on an on it was all screaming at each other even her husband look at us lar
den mrs krist kwok talk to me and ask me to chill down cos i was lke fuming and wanted to shouted at her bitch you fucking cut my hair i even say i was sorry lar and because of chloe who manage to convince mrs koh that she will take care of me.she let me go back class!my god how i wanted to punch her
on the way to class with chloe she told me that she tell mrs koh that i dont look at the mirror as when i go out with her i just wash my hand and straight went out lar!hahah dumb lar


today was fun
international friendship day
gage brown won!YAYA
den went out with namirah,atiqah,yasmin,matesha,yunhi,after school hell it was fun!:D

long time since i blog

in comp lab 1 blahhh

home broadband the ruether(sp) is lke so fuck up

the internet person coming on friday i think

this whole month have been so wtf

alot of things happend

dam i hate that mrs koh

but think about it i am happy that i should at her :D

if only she was pregnent

i am not being mean here lar she is lke being a bitch to me

will blog the whole thing when i get a new rether(sp)

i am so lazy to tag reply my tagbox :D

i miss everyone :D

Ps: Yasmin Rocks!

Matessha Too!

Nisa too!

Atiqah also!

/school is alright for me

2.4 run was aha awesome

but timing was bad but lucky it was our first try

but still i pass i am aiming for 15 min or lesser

a lot of stuff happened thought out the week

and i guess everything is taking a turn

i never realise this but i guess muckzxzx gang will be almost gone

god dammit it i hate the sudden of this.

i guess this dam thing is not going to work.

so in class another story

and i dun think it will be great to say this bullshit

so yest talk to Chloe on how much my intake of food is

i dint know i was such a consumer that i eat like a

and i dunno why i am doing this to myself

i feel good when i am with food

they are my best friend even when i am not hungry

♥ this is the retake of my life

okie mom told me main reason that my cough is not
getting better is that i still eat all my junks and drinking all this shti
hahah and my voice sound horrible lar .i cant even scream lar.
cos i just realise that in school also when playing around
kellise hit me den i scream no voice came out lar!
ppl ask me dont talk and teahers tell me that too lar :(
hahah den common test was lke shit cos i dint finished up my summary writing lar
i was in a rush i dunnoe why i dint have enough time ??
and baldive was lke "shut your bloody mouth"
HAHAHA scarry and funny lar
den after school head town with chloe
sleep at far east long john there.
i know wtf right? den went to read books den head home
i wan to finishe up my sorting of my papers :D
did i mention i didnt msg anyone for the past few days
i feel so lonely lar!my phone is lke useless lar

okie today not bad lar
school was not bad
some teachers scold us about not being serious and stuff
so after school went chloe place it was here mama birthday
HAPPY BIRTHDAY AUNTY :D
MAY UR DREAM COME TURE
HAHAH I KNOW YOUR DREAMS AND WISHES!
i been to her place alot of time but i nvr once eat dinner theere
and today i came back very full with the cakes and the in between snacks!
hahah and i dunnoe how many glass of water i drank too
and chloe was big fun lar!
i miss her lar
and the oxygen thing is so fun! HAHH
den homeeee and talk to yasmin!
now i wan sleep later :))

school was ermms?
i dunnoee fun fun
okie start the day and it pouring lke shit only when i was reaching school
if i know i would go play in the rain.just now i just realise how caring Mr's leong is our vp
i think i lke her more then Marion tan :D
class class class den ms ng nvr come so free preiod so Monica wang took our bubble away and she think playing bubble is for a 3 years old kid lar!3253 her lar!
so after school dance okie i tell you this time i give up lar
the stupid arse is lke bloody crap okie i wan punch his face lar
i started out with energy den 15 min later all the way to 5.30 i was already dead lar!
and i cough lke siao the whole day in school!my throat hurt lke crazzyy
i think i am lovinngggggg playing the piano again :D

HILARY DUFF LYRICS

With Love
I don't mind you telling me
What's been on your mind lately
I don't mind you speaking up
I know sometimes I can be
All wrapped up and into me
I can be in such a rush
Just slow me down
Slow me down
Tell me tomorrow everything will be around
Just slow me down
Slow me down
You're the one that keeps me on the ground
Baby you can be toughSay enough is enough
You can even be blunt

Just do it with love love love love
Tell me I'm wrong
That I'm coming on way too strong
Don't think I'll be crushed
Just do it with love love love love
Just do it with love love love love
Just do it with love

I can take your honesty
All your words weigh heavily
Listening to you all the time
I want to be there for you
The way you've been there for me
Always help me walk the line
Just slow me down
Slow me down

I know you will always be around
Baby you can be tough
Say enough is enough
You can even be blunt
Just do it with love love love love
Tell me I'm wrong
That I'm coming on way too strong
Don't think I'll be crushed
Just do it with love love love love

All this time we thought we knew each other
Now that I am leaning on your shoulder
I can tell you baby that
You're right when you're right and
You're wrong when you're wrong and
I can be weak 'cause I know you are strong
Baby you can be toughSay enough is enough
You can even be blunt

Just do it with love love love love
Tell me I'm wrong
That I'm coming on way too strong
Don't think I'll be crushed

Just do it with love love love love [x2]
Just do it with love love love love
Just do it with love
Just do it with love love love love
Just do it with love

okie i am going bored at home
seriously i'm sian to the max
wahlao should have gone out to watch movie with halid just now
but mom still dont wan me go out lar cos i have a massive head pain just now
and i even cry lar now i know why ppl ask me not to get sick it feel horrible and you dont
feel lke a normal person.yeah you feel lke alien
hahahah but still i'm sick and been going around ppl friendster acc and blogs (:
but i still dont lke friendster cos there still gary testi which i yet approve all of them.
irritating bastard hehe jk lar. you still will die with me right :D
on the other note dear is out of hospital and she have lke 4 days of mc
must i say cool lar and i wan go land myself in hospital so that i can use hospital clothes and chloe would want my autograph and pic :D but i am just glad that she is out of there
hahah i sound dumb and this is my blog but did ayrton sim discover that dear was in hospital cos he read my previous post.hehe den i must say hahahhahah but means he still care about dear :D
hahaha i dunnoe wat the hell am i crapping now kk i must watch more movie frm youtube.

tag reply here

andy:hahaha den over my plaster i go draw another brows can?haia easier lar i go print A4size pic of myself before i did my brows den i stick it to my face?HAHAH can ?? ♥

bridget:wahh dint know you care about me,i still remember you finger in maths class!thanks ♥

chloe:DEAR haia you dint wear hospital clothes!get well soon okie mahera is getting better lar,i'm not stress anymore i wil visti you one of these day,take care okie ♥

shane:HAHAH we'll shall see.seriously dont you sleep?♥

tags reply here

chloe:dear you alright.i'm sorry that i dint visti you ): get well soon kk

i hope he burn in hell lar(:

andrea:i know my brows are funny!dont worry it will grow okie den i go make a nicer shape

if not i will go and paste plaster kk hahaha

yunhi:i'm alright lar!hahaha dont worry mahera will get well really soon!:D

shane:thats okie lar.dont need say sorry (: wad you mean it all just begin? i guess you sleep preety late cos you tag at 3am?go sleep early next time :D

at home

dint go school

miss out using bro formal shirt!

haia i am still having fever

it goes up and comes down and goes up and so on

should have pretand to be okie in the morning cos

mom dont allow me go hospital to visti dear cos i am not

fit enough to walk and move.

i feel so bad she was there when i was sick yest and now

she land up in hospital i am no where near that hospital

dear i'm sorrry ): get well soon kk

i hope ayrton sim is reading this

hais i am freaking hell sick
and after eating pandol my temp was lke for 38.5 and it went to 39.1 and the thermometer make a funny sound when it reach that high
freaking hell unlucky lar i got sick alot of time
blah i dont it! i like it one bit!
maybe i been to stress out lar
i wan go school tmr so i can wear my bro formal shirt ):
okie heads hurt till i get better